Chapter 21 - Imagine Yourself at Your Own Funeral
If you could change anything right now about your life, what would it be?
If I could change one thing about my life right now it would be the amount of pressure I put on myself. I push myself every day to be better and better and although that can be seen as a healthy mindset, it can also be incredibly difficult for me to handle. I don’t like failure and I do my best to avoid it everywhere I go, resulting in a lot of pressure to not mess up or make a mistake. If I could change this and have a more free mindset, one where mistakes are welcomed and then let go I believe I would be a lot happier and a lot less stressed. I’m working on this mindset, I’m working on pushing myself to healthy boundaries not to pressure myself but to make myself grow. I don’t want to look back and remember how stressed I was. I would rather look back and remember the fun I had and the amount of things I accomplished. I will be working on keeping this mindset in all that I do as I go forward.
Chapter 22 - Repeat to Yourself “Life Isn’t an Emergency”
Describe a time or moments in your life when you turn something into an emergency.
Whenever I get stressed out this is exactly what I do. I take the smallest assignments or projects and turn them into the biggest emergency. I tend to continue this pattern with everything that happens until I somehow end the cycle and stop being stressed. This only adds more stress and anxiety to my life as I put more and more pressure on myself. As of recently though, I’ve learned how to just let some things go. How to relax and not turn everything into a bigger deal than it is. This helps immensely when it comes to keeping a positive mindset and growing as a person.
Chapter 23 - Experiment with Your Back Burner
Analyze "It puts our quieter, softer and sometimes most intelligent source of thinking to work for us on issues that we have no immediate answer for."
“It puts our quieter, softers, and sometimes most intelligent source of thinking to work for us on issues that we have no immediate answer.” I love this quote. It perfectly wraps up exactly the feelings and thoughts I have when using my backburner. Being a busy person I often have things going on in my mind. This chapter refers to a stove on simmer, boiling and creating an amazing meal. My stovetop is often cluttered with pots and pans, some things boiling over, the smoke detectors going off, it's chaos most of the time but I think if I take them to organize my thoughts maybe the chaos would be calmed. Meditating and giving time to myself is a huge step in the right direction because as of right now, my backburner causes me more stress than good. It has me worrying about problems that I can do nothing about. When I learn to quiet my mind I will be able to have the full productivity of my backburner and that would be extremely useful especially with high stress events and weeks. This book has taught me so many things and helped me grow into a better, less stressed person and this chapter is no different. Analyzing and picking apart the way my brain organizes stress and responsibilities is really going to make a difference in my life.
Chapter 24 - “Spend a Moment Every Day Thinking of Someone to Thank”
Who is one person you would thank in this moment and why? I challenge you to communicate this gratitude with this person.
One person I would like to thank in this moment is my mom. She’s done everything for me lately and been so supportive and is always there for me. She picks me up when I’m down, gets me TacoBell when I get injured, goes the extra mile to make sure I have everything I need for formal, she is my rock. My mom is the reason I am bale to do everything I am able to do. She raised me to be the person I am today and I’m proud of it. I would not by class president, playing varsity basketball, have a job, and still have a social life without my mom. She is kind and caring and understanding. She is funny and amazing and beautiful. My mom is my role model and if i can grow up to have the same mindset and attitude she does then I will count myself as successful. I get my drive, determination, and work ethic from my mom. I don't know what I would do without her.
Chapter 25 - “Smile at Strangers, Look into Their Eyes, and Say Hello”
When you read this chapter, regarding eye contact & connect, what are your initial thoughts?
Honestly, my initial reaction was “Yeah, no thank you”. This chapter seemed too innocent and naive for me to really follow it. I understand smiling at someone you make eye contact with and whenever I see someone walking their dog out side I look at them, smile, and say goodmorning. But smiling at every stranger I see and saying hello seems like a great way to get kidnapped or taken advantage of. If the vibe is off then I simply will walk away from the situation and not say a word. It’s one thing to be kind and considerate and another one to be oblivious and naive. If your intuition says no then simply don’t do it. I also feel like this a common everyday thing normal people would do and it almost feels to me as if it doesn’t fit into the typical message of the book. I think this was my least favorite chapter because I believe this is simple common sense.
Chapter 26 - “Set Aside Quiet Time, Every Day”
When do you find a quiet moment in your day, every day, just to be present and quiet? Do you? Or perhaps you don’t...explain.
I don’t often find this time every day. Between school, sports, leadership, work, getting home no earlier than 6:30pm every night, I’m exhausted by the time I get home. By that time I still have homework, animals, and studying on top of eating and family time. Leaves just enough time for sleep. In those moments of inbetween whether it be driving to practice or sitting to eat dinner by myself I try my best to take advantage of these moments. I take a little time to myself in these rare times to just be and relax. I want to set aside time for myself but whenever I do my brain can’t relax. I’m always thinking of the next thing to do, or the list of things I haven’t done yet. I really want to work on taking more time to myself because even I notice the difference when I take that time to myself.
Chapter 27 - “Imagine the People in Your Life as Tiny Infants & as 100 Year Old Adults”
Describe a time when you have been frustrated with someone, but you “let-go” of the situation and moved forward with your life. How did that make you feel?
Work. All the time customers at work frustrate me. Coming in 2 minutes before we close, complaining about condition that I can’t control, having me remake a smoothie because it “wasn’t green enough”. In the professional world all you can do is let it go. You’re not allowed to be rude or talk back to customers unfortunately so you just have to stand there and take it. I always take a minute in the back, rant to my coworkers a little, and then move on and make the next experience a good one. I don’t like having bad day at work and I know if I were to focus on the customer and how disrespectful they were towards me, I would only be upset and at that point it would be my fault. If I just let it go and move on to the next thing then I become much happier and the rest of my shift would be good.
Chapter 28 - “Seek First to Understand”
Describe a situation where you didn’t seek to understand first. Was there resolution with this conflict?
There have been quite a few times, especially when I was younger that my first instinct was not to understand what someone was saying but rather to question their actions. A simple, “What are they doing?” or “Why would they think that’s ok?” were the first thoughts that ran through my head. A few key moments that really changed my perspective was after asking those questions, I was quickly proved wrong and there was a very reasonable and valid reason for someone’s actions. After someone explained it to me there was a resolution and I realized not to question someone’s actions too fast. Now whenever I see someone doing a questionable act instead of instantly questioning and judging, I take a step back and realize 1. It’s not business, 2. There's probably a good explanation and most importantly, 3. If there isn’t a good explanation, it's not my issue. This has brought a lot more peace, patience, and understanding to my life because I now know that another person's actions are none of my concern.
Chapter 29 - “Become a Better Listener”
Who is someone that you can genuinely talk to, that you know will listen to you. Describe this relationship.
I don’t like naming names but there is one person I feel I can genuinely talk to. They don’t understand my brain, they don’t understand what I’m going through, they don’t understand my mindset or how I think, yet I know this person will always listen to me. They may not understand but they are always willing to help, always helping find a solution, and always giving advice when I need it. I know I can tell them I just need to rant and that they’ll support my rant but they will also not let me get away with bullshit. They hold me responsible and accountable, they are sincere and caring and always looking for the positive out of a negative situation. This is a mutual relationship. I stand in the same role for them whenever need be. We hold each other to the same standard, the same level of responsibility, and the same level of respect and maturity. This is really the only person I can feel I can talk to without the risk of judgment.
Chapter 30 - “Choose Your Battles Wisely”
Describe a time when you “lost you Shhhhhh” and in reality it wasn’t worth the energy. How did you feel after the confrontation? Could it have gone differently if you didn’t sweat the small stuff?
I wouldn’t say this happens frequently, I don’t blow up often but I do get angry and will start small arguments over things that don’t matter. Most of the time when this happens it's a collection of small irritating events that causes me to eventually genuinely get angry over one event. After the confrontation I don’t feel satisfied. Since the issue is typically not big it just leaves me feeling that nothing got solved. This usually only happens when I’m in a bad mood and time passes and I end up apologizing for getting irritated over a small thing. If I didn’t sweat the small stuff, the argument would’ve never happened in this first place, there would be no reason to apologize, and there would be tense and strained relationships. In the same respect, by bringing up small irritants, I learn more about myself, more about the person I’m speaking to, and more about how to strengthen relationships with friends, family, and adults. Sometimes a small change in habits or attitudes can prevent future fights in the relationship. Sometimes it’s better to get everything off your chest now before it's too late.
Chapter 31 - “Become Aware of Your Mood and Don’t Allow Yourself to Be Fooled by the Low Ones”
Explain a time when you were in a bad mood and how it shaped your day. Vice Versa, explain a time when you were in a great mood and discuss the day you had.
I could probably write a whole essay on this topic. I think about this at least once a day. There have been quite a few days when I’m having a bad day and I realize how everything is different when I’m having a bad day. When I’m having a bad day it’s difficult for me to get out of that mood and have a good rest of my day. I typically get upset about something and then dread everything else I have to do that day. For example, if I have a basketball game on a bad day I dread playing basketball all day. When I’m having a good day, I’m super hyped and ready for my game. Bad days cause me to have extremely less patience and normal things I typically enjoy I get annoyed by. Also during bad days everything seems much more exhausting and draining. On the other hand, I cherish good days. Good day. I’m the most patient and understanding person. I get along with everyone and communicate clearly. I express my gratitude for those in my life and I’m excited for the rest of the day. Unfortunately, my bad days seem to be outweighing my good days. I try my best to start everyday in a positive mindset and try to continue that mindset but it doesn’t always work. My goal is to figure out what causes my good days and bad days and work to have a good day everyday or at least have my good days outweigh my bad days. It would make my life and the lives of those around me much easier and happier.
Chapter 32 - “Life Is a Test. It Is Only a Test”
As an experiment, see if you can apply this idea to something you are forced to deal with right now. Explain your emotions and logic behind this situation. Can you rise above it?
After first reading this chapter, I did not agree with it and I did not like it. The way I deal with stress in life is not by making myself feel more stressed about it. I slept on it and realized there are two different scenarios this could apply to. A stressful situation like a failing grade in a class or planning prom is one scenario. This is the kind of situation that I would NOT apply this idea to. However, a traumatic event such as the loss of a loved one or family troubles is where this thought process may come in handy. If I think “life is only a test, this is only a test” when a traumatic event occurs then it helps me get through it. It helps me to process what is happening and use it as strength in other parts of my life.
Chapter 33 - “Praise & Blame Are All the Same”
You will not please everyone…how does this statement sit with you and why do we tend to focus on the negative rather than the positive?
I know I cannot please everyone. I’ve been put into various situations where I am overbooked and end up having to cancel plans with one group or another. I’ve learned to be okay with this. I’ve learned that I have to do what is important to me and what I enjoy doing. Sometimes things don’t work out perfectly, it happens and there's not much I can do about it. I believe I am an overall good person and I’m okay with letting some people down for my own health. Mind you, I try my very best not to do this but life isn’t perfect and neither am I. This kind of mindset focuses on the negative since many people are so worried about pleasing others. Whereas we should be focussing on the positive whether you’ve chosen to give yourself a break or you chose to do what you love. Since you can not make everyone happy, why worry about it too much? If somebody can’t understand and be empathetic about situations in your life, maybe they shouldn’t be in your life. Live the best life you can and try not to worry about others opinions too much.
Chapter 34 - “Practice Random Act of Kindness”
Describe a time when you completed RAK and how did it make you feel?
I often randomly buy my friends lunch, usually once or twice a week. They always try to pay me back but I never accept the money. I know we all work really hard and sometimes it's just nice if someone buys you food, especially when you're having a rough day. I genuinely feel like a good person after buying them lunch. It makes me feel like I’m giving back to people who are always there for me and always support me. I think doing a random act of kindness at least once a week really changes your life for the better.